In a New York Times article published Wednesday June 10, 2014 Ordain Women founder Kate Kelly said in response to a letter from her former Stake President that, "What you're asking me to do is live inauthentically, and that's not something I'm willing to do." That is exactly why I felt like I had to leave the Mormon church.
Responses to Ms. Kelly's activism many are saying, "No one is making her stay.", "If she doesn't like it she can leave." "Maybe she should find a religion that suits her better." And that was what I feared, rejection, unacceptance "you are not like us, you are not welcome." How short-sighted and narrow minded a view that is, in my opinion.
Making the choice to leave the Mormon church is a big deal for a lot of people, and to suggest that those who disagree should just take their toys and go home or to create a new home is a big part of the problem for those of us who aren't comfortable with roles "The Church" have assigned us to. Would you have suggested to those seeking the Priesthood for all worthy members have responded the same way? "If you don't like it leave."
It is a complicated matter, leaving the faith you have grown up with, that is embedded in your DNA, that informs your view of the world and how you make decisions on a daily basis. Loving the gospel, knowing you are a Child of God and developing a relationship with Christ are deeply personal experiences and when that is tied to your membership "just leaving" isn't the first option you consider.
And sometimes a person's view of the world and life experience can run head on with the obedience that is asked of every LDS church member. Sometimes finding our place in the church requires us to question, and that questioning can be and is problematic when strict obedience is required.
I struggled to transition from my mission and back to the U.S. culture. I tried and tried to find my place, I prayed, I repented, I read the scriptures, I prayed some more, I humbled myself and tried to understand why I wasn't receiving answers to my prayers. I talked to my Bishop to seek guidance and he threatened to take away my temple recommend. I was going to leave, the LDS church wasn't the place for me - there was no room for someone who lacked faith the way I did. I prayerfully sought guidance - "No, you need to stay and be an example inside the church." It was the answer I received and so I decided to stay. But things didn't get better for me. How does someone who is pro-choice fit into the church? Who is an ally to the LGBT community? Who was uncomfortable with the thin explanation of why African Americans were denied full membership and blessings in the church for so long? Who is single and not particularly interested in being put on a pedestal?
It was breaking my heart, I tried to increase my faith, I fasted, wrote in my journal and scoured my soul for some sin I had forgotten to repent for. Was that the reason I was still single? I just wasn't humble and lacked faith, what more could I do? I was so unhappy and felt so bad about myself. I was incredibly lonely and I was constantly second guessing everything I did. It never occurred to me that my spiritual home, the organization that had been my anchor for my entire life might not be the best fit for me. So, I again asked prayerfully what to do, and the answer was clear that I should leave. I don't really care if people believe that or not and it wasn't the answer I was looking for - I needed an answer and it came to me it had in the past- through pray.
Staying or leaving isn't easy, it isn't your business and it is deeply personal and individual. In many ways I don't understand wanting to be part of an organization who doesn't seem to want your membership but I also get why people stay and I deeply respect their desire to change things they fundamentally disagree with and I admire the courage it takes to do that, but ultimately it isn't any of my business.
My heart breaks for both Kate Kelly and John Dehlin,they have both hung in there way past the point I ever did. Excommunication seems like such a drastic step and definitely sends the message that those less content and proactive to make change are not welcome here.
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